Psychologist John Gottman, after decades of observing couples in his “Love Lab” at the University of Washington, identified four conflict patterns he called the four horsemen of the apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. According to his research, their sustained presence predicts relationship breakdown better than how often couples argue in the first place.
- Low: you argue without relying on these four patterns often.
- Moderate: they show up in some arguments, without being your usual pattern.
- High: they're a regular part of how you argue with your partner.
15 statements, taking about 3-4 minutes. Think about how you usually argue with your partner, not one specific fight.
All possible results
Low Presence of the Four Horsemen
Your arguments don't seem to rely often on criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling, the four patterns Gottman links to relationship decline.
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“Gottman doesn't say arguing is the problem: he says how you argue, and specifically the presence of these four patterns, is what best predicts where a relationship is heading.”
What this score means
Your answers don't show a strong pattern of criticizing the person, contempt, constant defensiveness, or stonewalling. That doesn't mean you never argue: it means that when you do, the disagreement doesn't often seem to slide into these four specific patterns.
How it shows up day to day
- You tend to complain about a specific action, without turning it into a judgment about who the other person is.
- You find it easier than average to acknowledge your share of responsibility when something goes wrong.
- After an argument, you regain closeness without needing much time.
An important clarification
This result is informational and for general audiences, inspired by the four horsemen of the apocalypse described by John Gottman (1999) based on his research in the “Love Lab”: it is not a diagnosis of your relationship and doesn't replace guidance from a qualified professional.
Moderate Presence of the Four Horsemen
Some of the four patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling) show up in your arguments with your partner, without being the norm.
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“No single pattern sinks a relationship on its own: what Gottman describes as a real warning sign is these four patterns becoming your usual way of arguing, not just showing up once in a while.”
What this score means
Your answers show some presence of one or more of the four patterns, maybe more noticeable during a particularly tense moment than in everyday life. It's a middle ground: neither conflict management free of these patterns, nor a pattern that has settled in as your predominant way of arguing.
How it shows up day to day
- You notice criticism, sarcasm, or stonewalling slipping out in some specific arguments, not in all of them.
- You find it hard to apologize first on certain occasions, even though it's not your general pattern.
- You usually regain closeness after an argument, even if it sometimes takes a bit longer than you'd like.
An important clarification
This result is informational and for general audiences, inspired by the four horsemen of the apocalypse described by John Gottman (1999) based on his research in the “Love Lab”: it is not a diagnosis of your relationship and doesn't replace guidance from a qualified professional.
High Presence of the Four Horsemen
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling seem to be a regular part of how you argue with your partner.
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“When these four patterns settle in as a couple's usual way of arguing, Gottman describes them as one of the most consistent predictors that a relationship is deteriorating, more than how often couples argue in the first place.”
What this score means
Your answers show a frequent presence of criticizing the person (not just the action), defensiveness, stonewalling, or a tone of contempt, in a way that seems to be a regular part of how you two argue rather than a one-off exception.
How it shows up day to day
- You find it hard to separate “what they did” from “who they are as a person” when something bothers you.
- Faced with a complaint, your first instinct is usually to defend yourself before listening to what's behind it.
- After an argument, you need quite a while before you can feel close again like normal.
An important clarification
This result is informational and for general audiences, inspired by the four horsemen of the apocalypse described by John Gottman (1999) based on his research in the “Love Lab”: it is not a diagnosis of your relationship and doesn't replace guidance from a qualified professional. Gottman also describes specific antidotes for each pattern (gentle complaints instead of criticism, a culture of appreciation instead of contempt, taking responsibility instead of defensiveness, self-soothing instead of stonewalling); if this pattern concerns you, couples therapy is a better resource than any informational quiz.
Indicative result. It describes tendencies based on what you answered today, not a fixed trait or a closed label. It is not a diagnosis.
How this test was built
Measures how often you turn to the four horsemen of the apocalypse (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) in your arguments as a couple.
This is not a clinical diagnosis and doesn't by itself predict your relationship's future, and it doesn't replace couples therapy.
The four horsemen are one of Gottman's findings with the most published empirical support, backed by longitudinal studies that predict relationship dissolution with good accuracy.
See the full methodology
What it measures
Measures how often you turn to the four horsemen of the apocalypse (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) in your arguments as a couple.
What model it uses
It's based on the four conflict patterns described by John Gottman:
- Criticism: attacking your partner's character, not just a specific incident.
- Contempt: sarcasm, mockery, or disrespect.
- Defensiveness: defending yourself instead of listening to the complaint.
- Stonewalling: shutting down and no longer responding.
Where that model comes from
John Gottman identified these four patterns after decades of observing couples in his “Love Lab” at the University of Washington, with longitudinal studies that predicted relationship dissolution with good accuracy.
How the result is calculated
Each of the 15 statements distributes points across three levels (low, moderate, high) based on your level of agreement. The points for each level are added up, and whichever accumulates the most points determines your result.
What your result means
A high result indicates these four patterns show up often in how you argue with your partner, not just occasionally during moments of high tension.
What it does NOT mean
This is not a clinical diagnosis and doesn't by itself predict your relationship's future, and it doesn't replace couples therapy. A high result doesn't mean the relationship is doomed: Gottman describes specific antidotes for each pattern, and no level defines you as a better or worse partner.
Limitations
The four horsemen are one of Gottman's findings with the most published empirical support, backed by longitudinal studies that predict relationship dissolution with good accuracy. Even so, this test is an informational, orientation-only approximation, not the behavioral observation protocol Gottman uses in research.
Academic references
- Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: Behavior, physiology, and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221-233.
- Gottman, J. M. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Simon & Schuster.
Frequently asked questions
What are Gottman's four horsemen of the apocalypse?
Four conflict patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) that psychologist John Gottman identified as the strongest predictors of relationship decline, after decades of observing couples in his lab at the University of Washington.
Is arguing always bad for a relationship?
No, according to Gottman. What predicts decline isn't how often couples argue, but the sustained presence of these four specific patterns within those arguments.
Does a high score mean the relationship is doomed?
No. Gottman also describes specific “antidotes” for each pattern, and his own research shows that many couples reverse these patterns through conscious effort or professional support.
Is this quiz reliable?
It's an informational, general-audience approximation, not a validated clinical instrument. For an actual assessment of your relationship, couples therapy with a qualified professional is the better route.
How long does the quiz take?
Between 3 and 4 minutes: 15 statements with five answer options each.
See all 6 questions
Is it free?
Yes, it's completely free: no sign-up or payment needed to take the test and see your result.
