Love Languages tests

The five love languages, popularized by marriage counselor Gary Chapman, start from a simple idea: not everyone expresses or reads affection the same way. Two people can care for each other just as deeply and still feel like the affection “isn't landing,” simply because they're speaking a different language than the one their partner understands best.

The model describes five ways of giving and receiving affection:

• Words of affirmation: saying appreciation out loud.
• Quality time: full, undivided attention.
• Gifts: thoughtful tokens of affection.
• Acts of service: helping through concrete action.
• Physical touch: closeness and physical affection.

Most people combine several, with one or two standing out.

A model with less empirical support than the Big Five

This model doesn't have the same empirical backing as the Big Five. A 2024 review published in Current Directions in Psychological Science by Gideon Park and colleagues at the University of Toronto examined thirty assumptions from Chapman's original book and found no evidence that partners who share the same primary love language are more compatible, nor that people can be reliably sorted into one single, fixed category. Their alternative reading: every way of expressing affection is associated with higher relationship satisfaction, regardless of which one a person prefers, so it's more useful to think of the five languages as a varied diet than a fixed label, especially since both people and relationships change over time. None of this makes the model useless as a tool for self-knowledge and communication in romantic relationships, family, and friendship; it just means it shouldn't be treated as settled science. Our test is an informational, popular-audience version: it doesn't replace guidance from a qualified professional.

An idea with roots much older than Chapman

The idea that love can be expressed in different ways isn't new. Ancient Greek already had separate words for what English collapses into one: eros for passionate desire, philia for affection between equals, storge for family affection, and agape for unconditional giving. Chapman didn't invent the idea; he turned it into a practical, everyday tool. Spanish psychiatrist Enrique Rojas, in his Spanish-language essay on romantic love, makes a point that connects directly to this model: many relationships don't break down from a lack of affection, but from not knowing how to communicate it in a way the other person can recognize and receive as such. American psychologist John Gottman, after decades of observing couples in his “Love Lab” at the University of Washington, reaches a conclusion that complements Chapman's from another angle: what sustains a relationship long-term isn't grand gestures, but sustained attention to small, everyday attempts at connection and to how disagreements get communicated.

Sources

• Chapman, G. (1992). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing.
• Rojas, E. (2011). El amor: la gran oportunidad [Love: The Great Opportunity]. Planeta.
• Park, G. et al. (2024). A review of the love languages. Current Directions in Psychological Science.
• Gottman, J. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishers.