This test measures a very specific idea that psychologist Walter Riso develops in Desapegarse sin anestesia (roughly, "Detaching Without Anesthesia," 2012): there's no attachment without the fear of losing it. The more "essential" you feel a relationship is to your life, the more fear the mere possibility of losing it produces.
- Low: the possibility of losing someone doesn't shape how you experience the bond.
- Moderate: the fear shows up in specific moments, without dominating your relationships.
- High: you experience much of your close relationships anticipating loss.
15 statements, about 3-4 minutes. Think about your close relationships in general, not just one in particular.
All possible results
Low Fear of Abandonment
The possibility of losing someone important generally doesn't shape how you experience your close relationships.
Read more about Low Fear of Abandonment
“Not being afraid of losing someone doesn't mean loving them less: it means that love doesn't depend on living on constant alert.”
What this score means
You can love someone intensely without the possibility of losing them dominating how you experience the relationship day to day. Walter Riso would call this having "preferences" instead of "needs": you choose to be with someone, you don't depend on it to survive emotionally.
How it shows up day to day
- You enjoy the present moment of a relationship without being focused on whether it'll last.
- A small, occasional distancing doesn't automatically trigger fear of losing the other person.
- You can imagine your life, even with some sadness, without a specific relationship.
An important clarification
This result is orientation-only and informational, inspired by Walter Riso's ideas on attachment and the fear of loss (Desapegarse sin anestesia, 2012) and the broader literature on the topic: it isn't a diagnosis and doesn't replace an assessment by a mental health professional.
Moderate Fear of Abandonment
The fear of losing someone important shows up in specific moments, without dominating your relationships as a whole.
Read more about Moderate Fear of Abandonment
“Fearing the loss of something that truly matters to you is human; living permanently inside that fear is something else.”
What this score means
Your answers show that, in one particular relationship (perhaps the most significant one), some anxiety shows up around the possibility of losing it, without that fear generalizing to all your relationships or taking up most of your emotional energy.
How it shows up day to day
- In moments of uncertainty about a specific relationship, enjoying the present is harder for you than usual.
- You've sometimes done something you weren't fully okay with out of fear that relationship would suffer for it.
- Outside those specific moments, the way you bond with others is reasonably calm.
An important clarification
This result is orientation-only and informational, inspired by Walter Riso's ideas on attachment and the fear of loss (Desapegarse sin anestesia, 2012) and the broader literature on the topic: it isn't a diagnosis and doesn't replace an assessment by a mental health professional.
High Fear of Abandonment
You experience much of your close relationships anticipating, in one way or another, the possibility of losing them.
Read more about High Fear of Abandonment
“There's no attachment without the fear of losing it”: the more essential you feel a relationship is to your life, the more fear the mere possibility of it ending produces.
What this score means
Walter Riso describes this pattern in Desapegarse sin anestesia (2012) as living "on a knife's edge": an anticipatory anxiety about loss that shows up when you believe a relationship is "everything" and that losing it would, literally, be the end. Your answers point in that direction.
How it shows up day to day
- You look, without fully meaning to, for signs the other person might be pulling away.
- It's hard for you to tell the difference between "needing" someone and "preferring" to have them close.
- When an important relationship ends, it takes you a long time to accept it's truly over.
What Riso proposes for this pattern
One of the book's central practices is replacing the verb "need" with "prefer": honestly saying "I prefer you" instead of "I need you" isn't wordplay, according to the author, it's a real shift in your relationship with the fear of loss. Another is deliberately "accepting the worst that could happen" instead of avoiding the thought: according to Riso, consciously imagining the feared scenario paradoxically reduces the anticipatory anxiety that comes with it.
An important clarification
This result is orientation-only and informational, inspired by Walter Riso's ideas on attachment and the fear of loss (Desapegarse sin anestesia, 2012) and the broader literature on the topic: it isn't a diagnosis and doesn't replace an assessment by a mental health professional.
Frequently asked questions
What is this test based on?
The ideas of psychologist Walter Riso on attachment and the fear of loss, developed in his book Desapegarse sin anestesia (2012), together with the broader literature on anxiety around the loss of close relationships.
Is fear of abandonment the same as anxious attachment?
They're closely related. Anxious attachment, as described by Bowlby's attachment theory, centers on the need for constant reassurance; the fear of abandonment this test measures focuses specifically on the anxiety around the possibility of loss itself, with a different theoretical origin (the philosophy of detachment Riso draws on).
What's the difference between "needing" and "preferring" someone, according to Riso?
According to the author, "needing" implies believing you can't live without that person, which produces constant anticipatory anxiety about a possible loss. "Preferring" implies choosing to be with someone and enjoying it while it lasts, while accepting that life would go on if the relationship ended.
Does this test replace a psychological evaluation?
No. It's a short, informational test. If the fear of losing the people close to you is causing significant, ongoing distress, consulting a psychology professional is the most appropriate path.
How long does the test take?
Between 3 and 4 minutes: 15 statements with five response options each.
Is it free?
Yes, it's completely free: no sign-up or payment needed to take the test and see your result.